Leann’s story

I contacted Samaritans in around 2020 when my family was going through a traumatic time. I was trying to support everyone, while simultaneously manage my job and care for my young family. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about the way I was feeling and the pressure I was under. I felt so helpless, and there was nobody I trusted to talk to about it.

I think I’d always been aware of Samaritans, but I thought it was a service for people who were suicidal, and in all honestly, I didn’t know at that point that I was suicidal. It was when I called that I realised how bad I was. I just didn’t want to have to deal with my reality, it felt too much. While I had my anchors; my children, my husband and my sisters, who all mean the world to me – they weren’t keeping me anchored enough. I had all these things in my head that I couldn’t see through.

I thought I wanted someone to talk to me, but actually I just wanted someone to listen and that’s what Samaritans did. I ended the call feeling freer and everything I was thinking wasn’t just in my head anymore. The volunteer wasn’t judgemental, and they didn’t try to give me advice or solve my problems, which is what I’d been so used to – they just let me get it all out.

I thought one day I would love to be that person on the end of the phone. However, it was important that I got better before helping others. I went through a lot of therapy, opened up more about various things and then thought it was the time to volunteer. I remember doing the application form and thinking, ‘I can do this.’ I put my name on the list and haven’t looked back since. Aside from having my children, it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

I think when you struggle with your mental health, you get better – you’re not fixed. You learn how to manage those emotions and how to work through them so they’re not scary and you can function. It’s not like you go to therapy for six months and then suddenly you’re all better. That’s why I think Samaritans is so important, as mental health is always going to be there.

At the weekends we will get people contacting us with mental health issues who are in treatment or having support through the NHS, but for whatever reason their support system isn’t there at the weekend, or in the small hours. There’s definitely a feeling of they don’t know who to turn to. Sometimes, we’ll have people who have attempted to take their life, ended up in A&E and been discharged with Samaritans’ number.

The people I speak to are often at their absolute worst and I never know what the outcome is when the call ends. However, I get through each shift knowing I’m providing comfort when they don’t have anyone else to get that comfort from.

I wanted to raise as much money as I could for Samaritans, even though I don’t especially like running. I saw so many signs on the way round that said, “Remember why” and that definitely hit home.

What spurred me on is the difficult calls I’ve taken. I tend to do the late-night shifts, where it’s call after call, and there’s often a caller waiting. It’s at night when you feel like the whole world is asleep and you’re the only person that’s awake and your brain won’t be quiet. I want someone to be there for those people, so when I crossed the finish line, it was overwhelming that I had raised all this money for a charity that means so much to me.

I had been most worried about the fundraising, as it’s so hard to ask people for money. My technique was to just cast my net wide and see if I could get everyone to donate maybe £5 – that was the plan. My family and work friends donated, then I do all-female PT training once a week, which is a great community of women, and we have a group chat, so I sent them the link to my fundraising page, and they were the first to sponsor me.

My son’s class has a WhatsApp group, so I asked for donations from the parents. In fact, a mum came up to me in the playground to thank me. She had been going through a really dark time and had been calling Samaritans at night.

I went to a friend’s 40th birthday party, with lots of women I had never met before. We were at a bottomless brunch, so I said to everyone, “While I’ve got you all here, I’m running a marathon and I hate running, so if you could donate, I would really appreciate it.” I just seized every opportunity.

I kept people updated on progress and injected a bit of humour. If I had a bad run, or it was raining, I would put on my Instagram stories, “You’re all still in bed but I’m going out for a run in the rain – please donate.” I did a Samaritans shift early on Christmas morning and posted a video of myself on social media saying I had been up at the same time as Santa supporting people at Samaritans, so please could people festively donate. I can’t really bake, so I thought if I can’t do it with cakes, I’ll have to get people with my wit. In the end, I managed to raise £3650, including gift aid, which I was absolutely delighted about.

I was very open about my reasons for running the marathon. A lot of people know I’m a Samaritan, but I wanted to use my fundraising page to share a bit more about my story. Even when my parents read it, they didn’t realise how bad things had been for me.