As a teenager, I had a lot of challenges. I suffered with various things; I had an eating disorder and depression – I really was not in a good place. I found school an exceptionally hard environment and one day I made an attempt to take my own life in the toilets. I didn’t tell anyone until I was very poorly and got taken to hospital. Because I was in such a dark place I did try again and that time I was given quite a low survival chance. I was 13, so incredibly young. After this I got some help, but the underlying core problems were still there. Back then, psychiatric services for young people were limited, so there wasn’t a huge amount of support.
One night, I was really struggling and that’s when I called Samaritans. It’s crazy, I can still remember the volunteers name and his voice, and him being so supportive.
He didn’t try and fix things, he was just there and let me talk. You could tell he cared. He talked to me for a few hours, and he may well have made the difference between me making a third attempt on my life and being here now at the age of 47.
It’s a hugely personal thing; the fact I can still remember him so clearly is amazing. It shows the power of someone giving up their time to be there that night, when I felt lonely and isolated, and didn’t have any other options. He wasn’t afraid to talk about powerful things with me. For a lot of people, it would be a frightening conversation.
Becoming a Samaritan
My experience with Samaritans inspired me to train as a volunteer. I always said I would pay back what the volunteer gave me and help others. Being on the other end of the phone was really powerful. Admittedly, it was quite daunting at first, but the training was exceptional. I still remember my first call. I found it a really rewarding experience, it was a real privilege to be able to sit with people. I had so many people at the end of a call saying ‘thank you so much’ – even though they’d done the talking, I hadn’t done much, I had just been there with them. I think that’s the power of it.
I was a listening volunteer for about four years and I’m now a support volunteer, so I’m involved with fundraising and other activities. Through Samaritans I’ve met some of the nicest, funniest, warmest people. Every volunteer has that commonality of wanting to help other people, even though they’re from all different walks of life.
Taking on the marathon
I had never run further than 10km, and that was probably over a decade ago. Occasionally I’d go for a run for my mental health, and I go the gym, but I always said I wanted to do the London Marathon, and if I did, it would be for a charity close to my heart.
Every year I had applied but didn’t get it, but then Samaritans put me on their waitlist and offered me a place. Running the marathon felt like such a privilege. Rather than thinking, ‘I have to go for a training run’, it was a case of, ‘I get to go for a training run.’ I wanted to embrace the experience for everything it was. I enjoyed following a plan and having a very focused goal to work towards. I always thought the training would be the hard bit and the day itself the bit to enjoy.
I was incredibly lucky that people were so generous. Most of my donations were online and I shared my page on Facebook, Instagram, and with work contacts. I put my personal story up for people to read. It was a vulnerable thing to do, as it went out to lots of people, but I definitely think sharing my story and being so open with people helped with donations. Some people didn’t know my back story and said how inspiring it was. I also shared regular updates on my page and sadly in one I shared about a friend who had taken their life and talked about why Samaritans is so important.
The marathon was amazing. It was by far the most humbling experience I’ve ever had. I met so many incredible people and was blown away by the support. It restored my faith in human nature – all the best of humans in one place. I don’t remember much of the running, I just kept moving and talking to people. I said hello to the other Samaritans runners, and there was real camaraderie. It makes me emotional thinking about it. It's hard to explain – it’s just the most immense experience.
Hannah
I decided that I wasn’t going to think about pace time. I only had 13 weeks to train, so it was always about the money and the finishing. I would 100 per cent recommend it to anyone. I would go as far to say that it changed my life. For me, it rewrote my story. My narrative internally is that I won’t be able to do things. But with this, I thought I will get there. I had to dig deep but it was so rewarding, and I’ve found out things about myself that I didn’t know I was capable of.
