Donate now

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter


Email
Subscribe

Songs to Save a life - music in aid of Samaritans

Print page

Divorce: the true cost of the festive season?

Thoughtful Talk confidentially to Samaritans any time of the day or night.

Whatever you're going through, whether it's big or small, don't bottle it up. We are here for you if you're worried about something, feel upset or confused, or just want to talk to someone.

Festive tension

Traditionally, new year is a time for making resolutions – some of which will be kept, most not – and looking forward to the future. However, a new study by InsideDivorce.com has revealed that for an increasing number of UK couples this means reflecting on the state of their marriage and resolving to face the future alone.

The first week of January has historically been the busiest for divorce lawyers and services in the UK, with January 5th christened "D-Day" (Divorce Day) by the Daily Mail. 2009 looks set to be no exception, according to the Scotsman newspaper, with record divorce rates predicted for the coming year.

One relationship counselling service cited by the Scotsman reported a 60 per cent rise in enquiries over the Christmas period. This increase was attributed to the additional pressure on couples emotionally and financially during the busy and expensive festive season.

Lawyer James Stewart is quoted by the Daily Mail as saying: "Christmas brings families together and forces unhappy couples to spend time together, bringing tensions to the fore."

Juliette Mace, partner and head of the matrimonial department at Quastel Midgen, agrees, telling the Times Online: "They want to get Christmas over with. Then with the new year, their mind will turn back to resolving issues that have been troubling them."
According the a new survey by InsideDivorce.com, which represents approximately 100 divorce lawyer firms across the UK, divorce enquiries have risen by a third in the 2008-09 Christmas period, compared to the 2007-8 festive season.

InsideDivorce.com surveyed 700 married, divorced and separated couples for their study. This cross-section research was then applied to the wider population, resulting in the estimation that there are currently two million married couples struggling to save their relationships in the UK. Of these, it is predicted that 1.3 million will result in divorce.

Couples on the verge

Commenting on the increased figures, relationship counsellor Denise Knowles from Relate told the Liverpool Echo: "I am not surprised that it is up this year. People are very anxious about whether they are going to be able to pay for Christmas or pay the mortgage this month and next.

"If you have a robust relationship it stands a reasonable chance of survival. But for one that's hanging on in there, this can be the proverbial final straw."

However, she added: "If you do get through the hard times, the relationship will be stronger then ever."

The current economic crisis has proven the final straw for many couples, leading to increased emotional and financial strain, according to endowment policy website AAP.co.uk. It reports that a recent Local Government Association study found that the demand for relationship counselling services has increased by 93 per cent since the credit crunch took hold.

Other emotional support services may also provide individuals considering divorce with an outlet in which to asses the state of their marriage. DivorceAid.co.uk recommends that anyone experiencing distress as a result of a relationship breakdown should consider getting in touch with the Samaritans. The service is available 24 hours a day, with all calls treated in complete confidence.

The cost of separation

Spouses on the verge of divorce have also been warned that the current economic climate may make the division of assets even tougher, leading to further distress, the Scotsman reports.

Cath Karlin, head of family law at HBJ Gateley Wareing, Edinburgh, is quoted by the newspaper as saying: "Separation and divorce often require spouses to make difficult financial decisions, particularly in relation to the matrimonial or family home.

"The stagnating property market and restrictions on mortgage lending at present will make decisions more difficult. In the current economic climate, it is important for anyone considering a separation or divorce to seek detailed advice before taking any practical steps."

Martin Loxley, family law specialist at Martin Loxley agrees, telling the South Yorkshire Star: "The key thing to focus on is obtaining information on the full range of options available.

"This will help people make informed decisions about whether or not the marriage can be saved and, if it is a case of the inevitable, what options are available to help them achieve a fair settlement."

The Scotsman further reports that couples divorcing in the current economic climate may have to consider the impact on their homeowner status, with an estimated one in three divorcees slipping off the property ladder altogether.

Divorce advice

The Times Online advises caution before court dates for couples considering divorce. In an article listing its top ten divorce tips it states first and foremost that couples should consider both individual and joint counselling, and ask themselves if the relationship really is irretrievably damaged before subjecting themselves to the trauma of divorce.

If a relationship is truly over, the news source suggests seeking professional advice as early as possible and researching lawyers thoroughly to find one with up to date experience and affordable fees. It further recommends ensuring all financial paperwork is in order before seeing a solicitor. For those on a budget, it suggests gathering required documents and information yourself, negotiating with your spouse directly wherever possible, keeping phone calls to your solicitor succinct, and asking the solicitor to inform you when their fees have hit specific levels.

Another tip from the website is not to use your solicitor as a counsellor, in order to keep the emotional and practical implications of the divorce separate from each other. Ms Mace states: "Although it is a painful process, try to think with your head and not with your heart in a divorce."

Anyone considering, undergoing, or trying to move on from a divorce can contact Samaritans for confidential emotional support. The website DivorceAid.com quotes an anonymous user of the service as saying: "The person at the other end of the phone gave time to me to speak to me and asked me gentle questions and waited for my response.

"It made me feel that I was not the only one that was going through it, really, which helped me quite a lot. At the end of the phone call I did feel better […] I did not feel quite so isolated."

If you are experiencing distress as a result of divorce, you can call the Samaritans for emotional support 24 hours a day, seven days a week on 08457 90 90 90 (GB) or 1850 60 90 90 (ROI).