Supporting the student community

You may not know exactly what to say or do – most people don’t. You don’t need to have ready answers or solutions. Being there for others and listening to them is often enough. Don’t avoid the subject of suicide. Talking with other staff and students about suicide is important at this time; it can help everyone cope with the trauma and grief.

If you feel unable to listen or support students, that’s ok. Let them know where they can go to for support and refer any students of concern to student services.

If you are supporting students:

• Allow them to talk and ask questions
• Acknowledge what has happened and that it will affect everyone in different ways
• Give them time to cry when they need to
• Listen without judging. Let them know you are there for them. They may go over the story time and time again. That’s fine – it’s part of the healing process
• Even if they seem to have lots of people around them, they might still need support. It’s important that they know they can talk to someone about their grief, so they don’t feel alone with it
• Allow them to talk about the deceased, focusing on the sense of loss, and their memories
• Avoid discussing details of how someone died and any conversations that glorify the death
• Enable students to talk about suicide, directing conversations toward healthy coping strategies, how to support one another and where to seek help.
• Dispel any rumours but do not talk about suicide notes or the method of suicide
• Be aware of warning signs and identify anyone who you feel may be at risk to refer for extra support
• Encourage peer support amongst student groups.

Academic considerations

At this time, a student’s study might be affected. They may feel worried and stressed about failing if they are struggling to complete their work. Sometimes they may seem unmotivated, when previously they were motivated. Some students may need time off and/or extensions for their work or exams. If you think a student needs this, help them to look into applying for mitigating circumstances and getting support from student services.

Starting difficult conversations

If you’re worried about a student, try to get them to talk to you.

Often people want to talk, but won’t speak until someone asks how they are.

Try asking open questions, like ‘What happened about...’, ‘Tell me about...’, ‘How do you feel about...’

Repeat back what they say to show you understand and ask more questions:

• Focus on their feelings instead of trying to solve the problem – it can be of more help and shows you care. Respect what they tell you.
• Find a good time and place
• Ask gentle questions, and listen with care
• Ask them how they feel
• If you’re gentle and calm it’s ok to bring up the subject of self-harm or suicide
• The more open the question the better. Questions that help someone talk through their problems instead of being able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ are the most useful.

Ask questions:

• When – ‘When did you realise?’
• Where – ‘Where did that happen?’
• What – ‘What else happened?’
• How – ‘How did that feel?’
• Why – be careful with this one as it can make someone defensive. ‘What made you choose that?’ or ‘What were you thinking about at the time?’ are more effective.

Find out how they feel

Revealing their innermost emotions – anger, sadness, fear, hope, jealously, despair and so on can be a huge relief. It sometimes also gives clues about what the person is really most worried about.

How do I deal with my own grief as well as supporting others?

Take care of yourself; seek and accept support from others. It will be better if the routine of the university can keep going in as normal a way as possible to provide some structure for everyone.

When and how to seek help

It’s important not to struggle with difficult emotions on your own. If your feelings become overwhelming or it’s difficult to cope with small everyday events, find someone to talk to. No matter how awful things seem, there is always someone you can reach out to. Counsellors, family members or support staff can be of great help when you are feeling low. If you’d prefer to talk to someone in confidence who is not part of the university or family, get in touch with Samaritans. We are there at any time of the day or night to help you. You can also contact us by email or by visiting one of our branches.

Talking can help

Looking after your emotional health is just as important as looking after your physical health. Everyone faces challenges in their lives and sometimes we all need someone to talk to, to help us cope. There is no shame in asking for help when you feel like coping on your own is too difficult. Samaritans know from experience how important it is that you feel able to talk about things that are troubling you.

Samaritans have a list of other sources of support you may find useful.