I wish I had known about Samaritans and I now feel the need to promote the service to everyone who may need it in the future.
I felt like an outsider
I found it hard to make loyal friends. I felt like I didn’t fit in at school or out of school. I hung around with a group of girls who would bite me and call me ugly because I didn’t want to be a loner. I felt like an outsider from school and the rest of the world and began to watch life go by rather than ‘live’ it.
I thought it must have been my fault that my dad abandoned me
I started to question why I existed, was it to feel unloved, bullied, alone? I was angry at the world because I didn’t ask to be here and didn’t want to be here. The anger and frustration towards myself led to self-harming. I hated myself so much that I wanted to punish myself.
I was an empty shell... became vulnerable, dependent on an abusive relationship
Then my boyfriend dumped me. I was absolutely distraught. I felt numb and like it was just another stud in my belt for self destruction. I didn’t know what to think or feel or what to do because he wasn’t there to tell me. He was like my voice. Everything I did, he’d tell me what to do, what to say, what to think. It became too much, I couldn’t go on any longer.
I wanted to feel something... anything. I felt nothing but numbness
I started counselling... I was able to understand the emotions I was feeling and the reasons for them
Other people get up on a day-to-day basis and they’re happy with what they’re doing. I just felt ever so alone and I thought, ‘There’s nothing I can do about this situation.’
The more you speak about your emotions and experiences the more you can begin to understand yourself better
I wish I had known about Samaritans
The first step is talking to someone who will not judge you, who will listen.
I do have a mental health issue, but after seeking help this has not restricted me in my life. I have graduated University with a first, climbed Kilimanjaro, excelled at work and I am currently pursuing a career in Clinical Psychology.
Your storyHave you contacted Samaritans before? If so, we’d be very grateful if you would share your story.