Emma's Story

Emma’s Story

In 2006, when Emma was just 18 years old she tried to end her life.

She had been involved in an abusive relationship and she felt the world would be a better place without her.

I was in a long-term relationship with a man for about three years and it was an abusive relationship – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

It was my first relationship and I was naïve.

He was from a better family and I looked up to him, so I didn’t think it was a bad thing. When you love someone you accept those things because you’re together. I just thought, ‘Oh, it’s just part and parcel and he’s had a bad day.’

I had just finished college and wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

I didn’t really look at university as a possibility; I didn’t have the mindset to think that far ahead. My boyfriend was at university, so I redid my A-levels and applied to the same university.

But I didn’t think much about it because I thought we’d be together forever.Then my abusive and possessive boyfriend dumped me.

I didn’t know what to think or feel or what to do because he wasn’t there to tell me. He was like my voice. Every year, everything I did, he’d tell me what to do, what to say, what to think.

When he split up with me, he said, ‘I’ll contact you if I want to get back with you in a month’s time.’ He never called.

The aftermath

I was absolutely distraught. I felt numb and like it was just another stud in my belt for self destruction.

I thought, ‘I’ve got nothing to live for now.’ I couldn’t bear another second of being alive. So, in that state, as I was sitting in my bedroom, I decided to cut myself.

Then I took a massive overdose of all the tablets in my cupboard and tried to just lie on my bed and never wake up.

And then my mum found me and straightaway called an ambulance. The next day, I woke up in A&E in the psychiatric ward.

They said had my mum not found me I wouldn’t have actually died from what I’d taken; I would have just had internal organ failure.

Beginning counselling

I was so angry at my mum for calling an ambulance. I started counselling, and began to talk about how I felt, this idea of feeling numb.

You just assume that you’re the only person feeling it, and that the way you think is somehow different to other people.

You’re in self destruct mode; why would you search for help when you’re too busy bringing yourself down?

Other people get up on a day-to-day basis and they’re happy with what they’re doing. I just felt ever so alone and I thought, ‘There’s nothing I can do about this situation.’

At that moment in time, I wish I had known about Samaritans and now feel the need to promote the service to everyone who may need it in the future.

I feel I represent the hope that people lack when they are at their lowest and, having been there, I want to help others like myself and to show them they can get through it.

More information

If you have been affected by this story, you can contact Samaritans any time of the day or night.

Click here to read more personal stories

Could your story help others?

If you have a story to tell, please contact the Samaritans Press Team: press@samaritans.org or call 020 8394 8300.

Journalists

Emma is willing for her story to be used in other media. Journalists, please contact the Press Team for more information.

There are also other stories available for journalists.