Listening

A skill we all need to practice
Listening is something most people take for granted. It's automatic, like breathing. But for Samaritans, listening means far more than this.

Twenty-four hours a day our volunteers handle calls from desperate men and women. And every time they pick up the phone, they know that it's up to them to help the callers express their feelings - give them the support and understanding they so desperately need.

At times like this, listening takes every available ounce of effort and concentration. It's an active skill - and also one that callers' lives may depend on.

Selection and preparation
You don't need any special qualifications or experience to become a Samaritan, and your background is immaterial.

However the following qualities are important: you must be a good listener, open minded, over 17 and able to maintain a regular 3-4 hour shift including some night duties.

After application, a potential volunteer is invited to join preparation sessions with other volunteers. These sessions cover every aspect of the work of a volunteer and fully prepare them for the important task ahead.

Learning to listen
To begin with, all volunteers go through a period of supervised probation to introduce them to the skill of listening.

There are group discussions, role-plays and simulations, to help them understand and share callers' feelings. As the weeks go by, they learn the importance of body language and tones of voice; they also learn that silence can be a form of communication.

But exercises like these can only achieve so much. You can't train a person to listen warmly, sympathetically and patiently. Nor can you train people how to be sensitive and pick up on the thoughts and feelings of others. And it's these qualities above all that make a good listener.

Effective listening
We can all become better listeners, if we work at it. Here then, are some hints to help you improve your listening skills:

Don't be too dominant
The secret of effective listening is to empathise with the other person: to put yourself in their shoes, and share their feelings. Dominant or aggressive personalities rarely make the best listeners.

Samaritans learn to subdue their own personality by keeping their voice low and their manner soothing and gentle. This helps to establish empathy and trust so that troubled callers can express their painful emotions.

Don't be afraid of silence
In everyday conversation, most of us feel embarrassed by silence. But when a person is wrestling with difficult emotions, it can take time for them to tell their story.

Samaritans learn to respect the other person's silence. Instead of talking, they wait patiently, giving the caller the time and space they need to collect their thoughts.

Sometimes callers remain totally silent for minutes at a time - a severe test of the volunteer's skills as a listener.

Learn to understand body language
When we're face to face with another person, we communicate not just through words but in a host of other ways as well: gestures, tone of voice, the way we sit or stand - even our clothes can convey a message about the way we feel and the kind of person we are.

Samaritans learn how to "read" non-verbal signals like these - in particular, the telltale gestures that contradict the spoken message. They also learn how gestures they make - such as sitting forward or making eye contact - can encourage the caller to talk more freely.

Repeat and confirm the speaker's message
For Samaritans, the ultimate aim of listening is to help the caller come to terms with their feelings. One way of achieving this is for the listener to repeat the speaker's words, at the same time probing the emotions that lie behind.

Interested in becoming a Samaritan volunteer?
If you feel you may be the kind of person we are looking for and you wish to take things a stage further, please get in touch with us. Simply contact us at 75 Spring Bank, telephone us on 01482 323456, or send an email to: hullsamaritans@hullsamaritans.karoo.co.uk